When Love Plays with Your Heart (A Monologue)

Writing backwards, not standing straight. Hunched over the sports bar wall.

Staring at the opposing wall of memories. The bar is familiar but empty, … Only phrases, snapshots in time, smiles, turns, and glances laughter, eyes like fire but unwilling to let the movie engineer read the script. They all race through a hollow theater of endless screens that play in my mind. Loud TVs on the wretched wall. All of them playing loudly and simultaneously evoking emotions. Pulling them up from an imaginary cylinder that runs from my theater, otherwise know as the mind down to the heart. Like a puppeteer the screenshots dangle strings down to the heart. First lightly tugging at Hope, then a gentle pull at Possibility. She, who holds Hope’s hand like wanton lovers on the beach, but without having the love? Yet, maybe a Promise of a chance of love? To hell with love….! “No!” I cry out in the hallow bar, now looking like a distorted dream; like a circus theater. Gone in a flash, or, call it a night. I would always drive them both home, Hope and Possibility, with the utmost care and safety. Dropping them off at …. “No.!” Please someone find the remote. I swear the address of the apartment was mocking me. LMAO it was on the corner of Wishful and Thinking. I have to take a pause and laugh. Smacking my forehead. I dare not find out if I misread that one! My thumb hovers over the remote. “NO!” I cannot go back and look I want to call it love. Because I remember her, Love, yeah. Mmmmm, I do remember her beauty however. I see the screens playing so fast and try to focus on Desire. Ahhhh, there she is, Desire, an academy award in the filmography of life. But only briefly she appears, and it breaks my heart that they could not write more into her part. She is so awesome. And so striking… Wait,

Damn, here he comes, of course, because the movie had to have the antagonistic in the dreadful scene; we all know the one, Loneliness. Because Desire – she just couldn’t play on one screen. She plays everywhere!!!! “Turn it off!!!” She was excellent dancing on one screen but the audience of one can’t watch it all. And the only thing which helps to find the pause button is Loneliness, making a brief appearance but who’s puppet string of the heart is the sting that has a vicious hold with a 12 volt electric wire that shocks and restarts the heart as though it was a game. Oh, and Chivalry wont play in this theatre because he has to “get to know Desire better.” Snotty sarcastic Bastard. He looks so nice, but he’s such an asshole. Never playing his part at the right time. I should fire him! But I am not the Director. Just the producer I suppose. Oh, and Jealousy, who we all thought was dead, is found alive. He storms in with the worst performance of all, hiding behind a translucent corner of warmth left in the heart. Playing on the same screen, his wretched hand around the heart, where the other parts have grown cold; he focuses on the one warm corner of the heart that is left; beating as an organ reduced to its slowest tempo as the last vestige of life pumps through its hardened veins.

Immediately, and in the same moment as the other screens play, the strings of the theater tied to the aspects of the heart turn up their volume! The rapid tugging increases to anarchy. Tearing at the corners of the heart, and tangling among one another! Thanks to Jealousy, who I thought was dead, it rages on. Torment. Fear. Anxiety. I hate them all. I reject their strength so Sanity can come in. He charges into the theater and shouts, “STOP!”

And all I can do is stand there. Looking up. Actually praying.

But she never came back down. And it’s going to be okay. I say it again. Talking myself into it. Saying it slower to convince everyone, who are not in the sports bar / multiple screen theater of my stupid mind. … “It’s. Going. To. Be. Ok.”

Thank God for prayer as I am able to turn out all the lights to the sick theater in my head, because of Faith. It’s finally quiet again. And I can rest knowing that Fate is Faith’s good friend. Endearing until the end. I find solace in her comfort. I ask Faith to pray with me, and Fate, she joins in the prayer.

And the prayer? The prayer asks for only the True Love’s kiss I was given to play on all the screens of my life once more.